However, sometimes it’s unavoidable, so, it’s important to know some effective de-escalation strategies as well.Īlthough some of these techniques may seem more like “what not to do”, sometimes our own responses and emotions do make things worse. The success rate of prevention is far greater than that of de-escalation. Ideally, you should aim to prevent meltdowns and outbursts. You can and certainly should set boundaries, tell your child “no” and discipline them you just need to wait until the forebrain is in control if you want those things to actually benefit your child. This is why during times where the hindbrain is in control it’s important to remain calm and ensure safety until the forebrain is back in control. (I have some free resources for helping kids (and parents) better understand fight or flight here. It’s like having an alarm system on your home to protect you from burglars but it’s so sensitive that it goes off any time a bird lands on your roof. When faced with true danger, if the thinking part of our brain was functioning we’d hesitate and/or try to use logic and it could cost us our lives.ĭuring a meltdown, often what happens is that ‘alarm’ goes off when there’s not a true threat. This is a primal survival instinct, known as fight or flight. It shuts down the thinking part of the brain and simply reacts to a threat (whether perceived or real). This diagram helps make it more clear.ĭuring a meltdown, the brain enters survival mode. A lot of parents question why I advise avoiding saying no, or trying to reason with a child during a meltdown.
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